Why I Don't Want to Be an Expert // Laura Donohue
Because Aristotle Was Right
I used to want to be an expert voice teacher. I also wanted people to think I was an expert, and I even considered myself an expert for a little while. In recent years, however, as I have made it a habit to regularly pursue new information about and approaches to the voice, I have begun to rethink the whole “expert” thing. Here’s an example: several months ago I joined Chris Johnson’s wonderful voice teacher community, where I found so much great conversation and learning happening that at times I have thought to myself, “do I know anything at all about teaching voice? Am I even qualified to do this job?!” Now, I can quickly recognize Imposter Syndrome (we are good friends) and even laugh at it, BUT ALSO it’s actually not a bad thing to be reminded that a person can do a thing for a whole lot of years and get important pieces of paper about that thing and take the workshops and read the books and still, still have soooo much to learn. Indeed, “the more you know, the more you realize you don’t know” (Aristotle). And when you think about it, isn’t that one of the coolest parts about working with the voice? There is always something new and exciting to discover. There will always be mysteries to solve. There will always be clients presenting with something new, and someone that doesn’t respond the way other, similar clients have responded. And there will always be studies revealing new information about our incredible vocal instrument.
This can be humbling but it’s a good feeling to get used to, for this reason…
Because Beginner’s Mind Is Where It’s At
When we see ourselves as beginners, even if we’ve spent a lot of time doing The Thing, curiosity is kept alive and curiosity is essential to learning. As the coach I am teacher AND student: I must come into every lesson with a willingness to learn. And--this can be even harder-- a willingness to say “I don’t know” or “I don’t know but I’ll figure it out.” Or “I’m not sure but I know you and I are going to figure this out together.”
Which leads me to…
Because The Ego Must Be Kept In Check
There are different ways to talk about ego. I’m not saying that a secure sense of self, along with confidence in what one does, isn’t a good thing. It’s a vital thing, actually. As vocal coaches we absolutely have to project confidence to our clients that we can help them solve their problems. But the Capital “E” Ego, the insecure ego-self is a different thing altogether. That Ego takes up a LOT of space. That Ego is super needy. And what I have found is, there is not enough room in the teaching studio for the needs of my Ego and the needs of the client. Have you ever experienced this? I can feel it creeping in when I’m working with a singer and there is one of those fabulous, moving, life-changing breakthroughs. The clouds part and the sun shines down and sometimes there are tears. This is such a beautiful thing and it almost always comes out of the space of presence and safety and flow, and let's be real here-- this is a huge reason we do this work, right? This moment feels so good. But this moment is also a slippery slope, because as soon as it happens and the singer is grateful and maybe even amazed, before you know it, the lesson is about ME. It’s about me being a great coach, and as soon as it becomes about me feeling like I’m a great coach, I am no longer 100% focused on the needs of the other person. I’m now focused on being that great coach, and again, because the Ego is needy, I’m looking for more affirmation and validation. One thing I know for sure– I am at my best as a coach when I don’t need anything from my clients. I want them to know they don’t have to take care of me in any way so they can be fully free to receive support and learn and grow without trying to please me or affirm me or even express loyalty to me. Since the Ego is never satisfied we have to keep it in check. For me, that means acknowledging the excitement of those breakthrough moments, feeling gratitude for them while also seeing them simply as one of many meaningful moments I share with my clients, and shifting my focus back onto the person in front of me so that we can integrate and move on to what's next. I love how Pema Chodron says it: “You have to learn to be big and small at the same time”, which leads me to my next point.
Because It’s Time for the Era of the Guru to End
Like ego, the word guru has been used many different ways, but here I’m talking about the modern usage that puts the teacher on a pedestal, and sees the teacher or mentor as some kind of mystical wizard, with magical powers that cannot be explained. The concept of vocal-coach-as-guru has been around a long time, but I think that paradigm is crumbling, thankfully. This relationship dynamic ultimately does not serve the student. The Guru is all about the Ego. The Guru cannot be questioned. The Guru does not ultimately empower the student to trust their own guidance, their own feelings and perspectives. Their own voices. If we really want to be the best teachers & coaches we can be, we are there to empower the student, not to teach them to rely on us, or to revere us, or to not question us. We need to teach and coach from a place where questioning is not only welcomed, but encouraged. And that questioning, however uncomfortable, must apply to ourselves and our methods…
Because There is No Method that Works All the Time for Everyone
Naturally, anyone who teaches for a period of time will develop their own approach, a way that they tend to work with the voice based on their experience and training, but all too easily a methodology can become associated with the Guru mentality– the method itself can take on a mystique and, because it comes from the Guru, it is perceived as infallible. We have to be careful about this. I have found it most helpful to study different methods to learn and to build a robust toolbox, but never to lean too much into one approach, and to be able to set it when it isn't working. And to constantly remind myself that I don't have all the answers, that "all the answers" isn't possible. From that place, I can embrace uncertainty and even chaos, because that’s what creativity requires, and I want to invite creativity into the teaching studio.
And Finally, Because Coaching is a Creative Process
The way I like to look at it, the teacher and the student co-create the lesson. Like any creative collaboration, no one person brings all the answers into the room, in fact, when that happens it stifles the flow of creative ideas. It shuts down the conversation. It decides that everything is already decided, and that is really boring. What if you walked into a co-write and the person you were writing with arrived telling you that they already knew what song you were going to write that day, that they had it mapped out and everything? They had decided on a great melody and chord progression and also the subject matter. That would be such a disappointment, right? And you wouldn’t feel heard or seen because you were not heard or seen. You weren’t invited into the creative process, your perspectives and ideas weren’t valued. And you probably wouldn’t want to write with that person again. I have found it incredibly powerful to adopt the same view of my coaching: even though I hold the position and responsibility of guide, the singer and I are creating the session together. And just like the co-write, I don’t ever want to presume to have everything figured out before we even get started.
This embrace of the unknown is terrifying at first, but when we remember our job as coaches is to stay open and curious so that creative magic can occur, it becomes incredibly liberating. I know that if I ever stop being open and curious, if I ever stop learning, I will have stopped growing. And if I stop growing, then I will have stopped being the best vocal coach I can possibly be. And I'll take being the best vocal coach I can possibly be over expert every time.